As parents and educators we review tons of literature mapping out the growth and development of our children. We see the milestones they are meant to achieve carefully plotted out from birth on up, and when our children don’t achieve those milestones as quickly as we expect them to, we begin to worry. That worry may interfere with not just our expectations for our children, but how we approach the way we teach them.

Every child develops differently based on both genetic factors and our interactions with them from the moment they emerge from the womb. Understanding the patterns of development can not only help us gain perspective on the individual developmental milestones of our children, but even rearrange our personal approach to accommodate and promote healthy growth and development.

Many people who have never had children look at the first year of a child’s life from the outside with a number of misconceptions.

Newborn babies sleep, eat and cry, or so it would seem, but they are also learning valuable strategies they will carry with them for the rest of their life. During the first year of a child’s life they will learn their very first communication skill: crying.

Because babies don’t understand what discomfort is, they cry. Crying brings the big people who placate and sooth them, seeing to their needs. Over the next two months they learn to express joy, showing off their first smiles and cooing sounds, and every interaction with baby helps stimulate brain growth and activity.

By the time they hit the four month milestone you can clearly see their personality begin to emerge, as well as significant physical developments. They begin holding up their little heads on their own and putting everything that comes into their grasp straight in their mouth. Since a four month old can’t crawl around to explore their surroundings, they learn about the world around them with their mouth.

From the sixth through ninth month, babies become social animals. They love interacting with people and the world around them. They start working toward self-propelled movement, crawling and lifting themselves up to strengthen the legs that will carry them as they take their first steps. They also begin mimicking sounds, repeating early-word triggers like mamama and dadada, which emerge into actual attempts at speech by the time they reach their first birthday.

Between a child’s first and second birthday they are literal whirlwinds of development. They’re walking, talking, learning how to feed themselves and exploring every aspect of the world they can get their hands on. Approaching the second birthday, we begin to see traces of babyhood slipping into toddlerhood as personality emerges in full-force.

Two and three year olds are taking command of all they can, establishing a clear definition of their likes and dislikes and staking out ownership of that which they do like. This is the time of “No” and “Mine” that often frustrates parents and caregivers. As children in this age range begin to enter social situations like pre-school and playgroup, they start to learn valuable lessons about sharing—even though most of them would rather not.

The year between four and five sees most children showing off their independence and self-reliance. Not only can they sit down and eat with everyone at the big people table, but many children at this age can dress themselves and tie their own shoes. They should also be showing early signs of letter and number recognition and may even know how to write their own name.

All valuable skills learned up to this point assist them as they leave the nest for the first time, entering into the structured learning years. As society continues to advance at a startlingly quick pace, many children enter kindergarten ready to take over the world one letter of the alphabet at a time. They start stringing together letters to create words, which by the time they step into first and second grade will turn into full-fledged sentences penned by their own shaky hand.

Between ages six and eight, children develop the social skills they will carry with them all throughout the remainder of their educational career. They make friends and discover the differences between their family and the families of their friends. This leads to furthering independence, as they start to formulate their own ideas about the world and how it works.

Around the ages nine and ten, hormonal shifts lead children down the rocky road of puberty. With puberty, children face an awkwardness and confusion unlike anything they’ve ever known before. It is the first foray into adulthood, and while it may seem a little early for adulthood, many young girls are beginning their menses as early as nine years old. Boys are a little slower to develop, often trailing two to three years behind their female friends.

By the time kids enter into junior high school they face emotional and social development from a whole new angle. Friendships become more socially important than family ties for a lot of kids in this age group as they struggle to find their place in society and the world. Many of the habits and traits they carry into adulthood are developed during this time, and though pre-teens can be difficult for parents and educators to relate to, remembering your own awkward years can help put them into perspective.

As they enter into high school, many of them face the world with empowerment and independence, especially if their adult influences and role models provided them with the emotional support, understanding and boundaries needed to not just good habits, but problem-solving skills.

Despite the clearly defined milestones that label every aspect of child development, it’s important to remember that every child develops at her own pace. Some children may develop physically, mentally and socially more quickly, while others seem to lag two steps behind. When concerns about your child’s development crop up, ask your pediatrician for advice and try to bear in mind that every child is different.